For those of us who are faced with dating
again after a long term relationship are discovering that it is nothing like
when we were young and searching for that certain exciting, good looking, possible sex partner. (Not that
finding and succeeding with someone who fits that bill wouldn’t be fun.) By this time most of us don’t have to think
about starting a family, because our kids are already starting families of
their own. When the kids are grown, well
educated and gone the “empty nest syndrome” that has been defined doesn’t often
mention the “empty relationship” that is no longer bound by duty. Yet it is often undeniable.
Suddenly we are single, starting over and mature, with time
to stop and look at ourselves. Without
the agenda a family demands, what is left? The opportunity to have a little fun? To do things differently this time? How do we
go about finding someone when we have just begun to rediscover our (single) selves?
Take your time. Re-defining yourself isn’t easy, and it certainly is not
instantaneous. If you don’t like your
appearance, do something about it! Not
because of pressure from others, but because it will make you feel better about
yourself. Try things you always wondered
about…sky diving – tap dancing – pottery.
A friend of mine had terrific results going rock climbing in one of
those harness held rock wall places. She
got really fast results in toning up AND met lots of very helpful hard bodied
men.
While you are working
on yourself, and exploring the possibilities one way to start going out
socially is with group types of functions.
If you bump into someone who you feel some chemistry with, it is a safe
environment to get to know them. If you
don’t detect anyone special, you’ve made friends with many people who could end
up introducing you to someone down the road, and there’s no awkward rejection
from a one on one meeting.
Most importantly, keep your expectations reasonable. Be yourself without trying to be overly impressive.
Your “best foot forward” gets very tiring to present after a while. You can be very likeable and comfortable
being the new real you.
