If you find yourself single after a fairly long relationship that failed, perhaps it did so because of infidelity. The following observations will hopefully be of interest, whether it was you who looked elsewhere for what was missing, or your mate was the lousy two timer. In that case what we are discussing here is what I like to call duplicity. There's just no two ways about it, in a relationship, it means betrayal.
It may have started out as an innocent flirtation with the cheater having no intention of taking it all the way to actual sex with someone else. Even if it did culminate in a sneaky affair, they probably never intended for such an encounter to put their marriage in jeopardy. IF they didn't get caught. Either by the partner, or caught UP in the thrill of new sex. It might have been due to actually having sex again, at all, for that matter.
Don't you always wonder about the man with a beautiful wife who's caught stepping out with a woman who seems plain by comparison? As if selecting someone, plain reduces the degree of crime. One of my all time favorite defense tactics, since I was a child and even sometimes now is, “I could have been worse!” “You got a D in math after all that tutoring we did ?!” My mother would say. “Well at least I didn’t get “a--- F” like in English!“ (I could have been worse!) Mr. Cheater would say..."It was only sex! Of course she’s not as pretty as you dear…just a mousy little thing really…who gets aroused when we’re naked together!" It's all about how the new person makes a cheater feel. More sexy, more interesting, more attractive.
Maybe it was you that wandered. One of the key factors to consider about committment here is expectation. When things started out, you were never EXPECTING to be unhappily married. You were not expecting your mate to change their physiological agenda to dis-include you by losing interest in sex with you. How were you supposed to know, in your heart of hearts, that the commitment made when you got married was, not to stray, no matter how utterly empty and thwarted the relationship became?
What kind of marriage is that? A contracted struggle to tolerate each other until death, do you part? OR until one of you finally says “uncle.” Once it has been recognized that you are miserable, rather than commit duplicity, you should just head downtown to file for a separation or divorce and avoid being a cheater. It makes more sense than enduring a bad relationship for the long haul. But then again, hind sight is 20/20.
